Let He Who Is Without The First Stone...

I've been doing a lot of thinking recently. I'm one of those people who daydreams frequently during the day due to something that was said or heard or seen...Think JD in "Scrubs." Though I find that my daydreams are rarely the same caliber of JD's...his just can't be topped.

Regardless. I do this often. Sometimes I'll look at one of the resident's wedding rings (which they all still proudly wear though their husbands have long since departed) and all of a sudden I'm wearing my own in a little black dress, Cosmo in hand, entertaining guests at an engagement party. Or there are the scenarios like I'll walk down the hall and hear a nurse aide talk about how "weird" that resident's family is. Then my mind floats to me visiting my family in a nursing home and how we'll probably be the "weird" family. And I have to say...before I proceed with this rant I'm guilty of pointing out "weird" families too so I say this with all the love and forgiveness to those I speak of that I would want for myself.

So back to the "weird" families. I think in any family situation no matter how honestly great you believe yours to be...there are at the very least quirks which make your family, well, your family. And at the other end of the spectrum there are the severe dysfunctions and problems and baggage and passion that make up other families. My family would be in the latter category. Please do not misunderstand. I had a happy childhood for the most part. There were certainly obstacles and I have been in therapy of some form or another since grade 5. So, it wasn't all rainbows and sunshine. But my parents provided for me, loved me, and supported me in the ways they knew how even if I didn't know at the time that this is what they were doing.

My sister and I have always had a passionate relationship. We have both loved and hated each other fiercely in the span of our 22 years together. And as I know she will read this (or rather I'll read it aloud for her approval before the final posting) I must admit that the "hating" was mostly on my part. I went on a kick where I was too cool to have a little sister who in reality was just trying to tell me how awesome she thought I was...in her annoying but now incredibly flattering teenage ways. Today I can't imagine a life without my sister in it. She is truly the most amazing sister...and I'm very privileged to say that she is a wonderful friend as well.

My brother. I love him. Doesn't every younger sister look up to her older brother? In my eyes my brother could have done no wrong. Without divulging his past, I will say there are some things that he did that were in actuality, very wrong. No...he is not a crazy axe murderer but there were quite a few ways in which my brother dealt with hurt and pain and hatred at himself and frustration that were literally quite detrimental to him. This all being said...he has still always been a hero to me. And to this day remains so.

I won't even start on extended family like aunts, uncles, and grandparents. To be honest I'm not sure that I know them well enough to even know where our relationships flourished and where they lacked. It makes me truly sad to say that...but due to physical proximity and emotional distancing....well let's just say that it wasn't necessarily stressed as a priority to know every aspect of every other family member's life.

So back to those "weird" families that visit. Or don't visit. Or fret over every aspect of their family member's care...or don't even acknowledge that they still have family remaining. I can't judge those families. It's a truth of this line of work that I meet people at the end of their journey. That is a double edged sword.

No matter what line of work you are in...retail...food service...corporate...medical...service...you meet people who are where they are at that point of their journey. We do not meet people as they were 5 years ago. Or who they will be 5 years from now. We meet them as they are before us in the present. If you are in a profession where you care for people, you may see them grow. You may watch their daily decline. And it is truly a joy to get to journey with people.

But those families...the ones that we all whisper about...well...I feel bad for them. Because that could be my family someday. And I wouldn't want my actions at that point to be judged. Because I may fall in love with the sweet old man resident who farmed and still wears cowboy boots every day. But maybe his family isn't there because he wasn't a sweet old man. Perhaps he was abusive, or absent. Perhaps he didn't approve of his children's choices later in life making the relationship now strained. I don't know...and please know this paragraph is not based on anyone I honestly know. I am simply trying to illustrate my point. That we musn't judge people.

Judging people...while second nature for me sadly...is a form of self hatred I think. I truly think it is toxic to walk around judging others. Truthfully I think it says more about what we dislike and find upsetting about ourselves than the person to whom we spit our words and thoughts.

I daydream that one day I will visit my parents in a nursing home. Or hospital. Or wherever. And I see that instead of judgement we are greeted with compassion. And I think we'll still probably be the "weird" family....I mean sometimes we use the middle finger as a truly loving gesture...but I fantasize about the compassion because I think I'm lucky enough to belong to a family who values the respect and uniqueness of other human beings. And I think that we get a little closer to being a more compassionate and nonjudgmental family to each other every day. And that leaves me with a very happy scenario in my head.