Pull Up Your Big Girl Panties

I've realized there comes a time in each person's life when it's time to "pull up your big girl panties" and move on already.

This conversation started over driving. Yes...driving. While it seems like something that is super easy for those who have a car and a license and have been driving for years...I hate driving. Sometimes I enjoy being in my car by myself with my music and thoughts. Most of the time...I hate driving. I hate not knowing where I'm going and I'm about to embark on a driving adventure that takes me half way across the country. I'm not looking forward to this.

I want to remain in diapers. Or something similar. I want to continue to have an "easy" life. Where I'm used to everything and things are exactly what I expect.

This impending move has me quite undone. I'm working on a lot of things. The foremost being forgiveness. Forgiveness to all those who have wronged me but most importantly forgiveness of myself. Which is of course like trying to squeeze blood from a rock for me. I am quick to forgive but I will never forget. And I suppose that means that I haven't TRULY forgiven. That there is still a part of me that hangs on to the anger and resentment and hurt that I feel.

All of which is bad for the soul. It's good for the soul to be clean. And to feel forgiveness. For some people I'm ready. And I'm letting go. But forgiving myself...I'm working on it day by day. More like second by second. I'm working on knowing that it's okay to not know what's going to happen every step of the way. And that it's okay to be okay with that. Mainly I'm working on knowing that I'm going to be okay no matter what happens because I have faith. Faith that this wonderful God is watching out for me and while I may not forgive me...well...God does.

So I'm going to pull up my big girl panties. I'm going to forgive what I can and know that that's all I can do. And on Wednesday, July 29 I'm going to get in my car...roll down the windows...turn on my music...and I'm going to drive.